cgm13.net :: the boy wonder: April 2003

I figure that at $150 a pop I would only have to do eight nights of escort work to get that aforementioned art. Damn, I am such a sucker for packaging. Now, to find folks who would actually pay to have sex with me ...

It always makes me as giddy as a school girl to find out someone has linked me on their site. Hi, Bub and thanks!

I only need $1,200 to purchase the aforementioned package of Camille Rose Garcia art. Yes, I am a materialistic bastard.

Reason Spring/Summer Sucks Number 5:
This morning I almost ran over the car in front of me because I was too busy gawking at the shirtless guy mowing his lawn. Geez.

Let's say that there is a blog/website that you really like and then all of a sudden ... *poof* ... it just stops. No updates, no explanation, no nothing. The site is just frozen in time. Wouldn't that make you wonder whether the owner been killed in some fantastically gruesome manner? I'm not talking about any site in particular. It's just some morbid thoughts from a horror movie junkie.

Bill Bryson has a new book coming out next week. Bill Bryson makes me smile.

The talk of the town is the earthquake in Alabama. Apparently it shook quite a few houses in the area around 5:00 a.m. this morning. I, of course, slept through all the excitement.

One of the really sweet things about living next to a creek is that during the summer when the house gets stuffy from being closed up all day ... all you have to do is open the windows and a breeze, cooled by that chilly mountain water, will act as nature's air conditioner. Viva la mountains!

Some of you may have notice that there are actually two tag phrases associated with this site ... "CGM13: Now With Even Less Hair & Self-Esteem" in the title bar and "Tales of the Shocking and the Absurd" in the masthead. In honor of my new (dot)net extension, I have been thinking of consolidating to one slogan. Here are some choices:
1) More Self-Deprication Than You Can Shake A Stick At
2) Proudly Fueled by Maker's Mark Whiskey
3) Falling In Love One Straight Man At A Time
4) Where A Dry Gin Martini Is The House Drink
5) Putting Readers To Sleep Since 2002

In DVD News ... the best movie from last year will be making it's way to dvd on June 21st with a second disc of extra goodies. Paul Thomas Anderson won't you please, please marry me?

I house-sat for the bosses this weekend and watched so much tv that I feel like my I.Q. has dropped by several points. When I watch tv it's not interesting Learning Channel kinda stuff ... it's MTV's Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes kinda crap. But, I must say, that one bearded contestant is looking really hot.

And ... For no real reason my old (dot)com address is working again after being down since Tuesday morning. Ah, fuck it. I'm a (dot)net baby now! And ... I can finally see this site at my work station. Sweetness. And ... I now have a 12-pack of The Beast to keep me company this evening.

Argh!!!! I am getting very frustrated that this site appeared on my home computer and is still NOT showing up when I try to view it at work. Patience is not (and never will be) a virtue of mine.

Why a new web address, you ask? The short version is that my previous web hosting provider is shutting down and the (dot)com name seems to be going with them. Yep. It's a long involved story that gets me pissed everytime I think about it. So, I decided to ditch the old (dot)com and become a (dot)net. Thanks to suggestions from a super, kick-ass fella, I have new hosting ... hosting that will allow me to get as dirty as I wanna. Heh, heh.

Sweet. I have a glass of whiskey in my hand and my site site just appeared in my very own web browser after taking forever to propagate to the wilds of North Carolina. Whoo-freakin'-Hoo!

Hello. Apparently other folks on the web can see me, but I can't see myself yet. C'mon. Where's a mirror?

Propagate, damn you! Propagate!!!!!

Bold Statement Number Three:
I think Futurama is slightly better than The Simpsons.

Friends ... who needs them? Nobody in particular should take offense at that statement for I am in a bad frame of mind. I had the same ole poison put into my head on Saturday night while I was drunk. Why is it in our nature's to comment and make suggestions on situations and people we know nothing about? I was was told to hope yet again. Hope. It's the most vile, evil word in the English language. My dreams Saturday night blurred the line between the reality and the impossible. We sat together and I ran my fingers through his hair and everything was good. It seemed so real. But, the slow hours of Sunday proved that my brain had tricked me while I slept. Yes. I saw He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named too much this weekend.

More sweetness ... the new ohGr album is apparently very near to being released and it has an awsome Steven R. Gilmore designed cover that features art by Camille Rose Garcia. Rockin'.

In the kinda creepy department ... this response to my Yahoo personal ad just came through: Hello I am 52mwm 5'6' 120lbs I live in Waynesville I would like to jack you off I can not suck anymore they took out my voice box But you can suck me.
Yow!!!

Michelle's 30th birthday has already passed, but we will have the big, blowout Wizard of Oz/Tom Jones themed party on Saturday night. Costumes are in order. Personally, I plan to dress up as Auntie Em and drink lots of whiskey.

Sweet. The movie Lost in La Mancha has opened in the area. Terry Gilliam is one of the greatest directors that is currently working. I just wish that he had more films out there to see. You can't beat Brazil, 12 Monkeys and The Fisher King. We will also be getting the new Cronenberg film Spider soon too. Super sweet!

I like amateur pictures. There's just a nice, unpolished feel to them. And, since I can't link to any porn sites, technically, here's some nice ass that I found. I did a little clean-up to make it more presentable to you, my loyal readers. Mmm. Ass.

Watching a little blood and gore last night has made me feel a little better.

It's pretty sad that I have started buying items from my own dvd wishlist.

In the past they used to put down lame horses. You know ... a horse that is injured and can't be rehabilitated. Weed out the weak and useless. Sounds good, right?

And a BIG birthday shout out to my friend Michelle! She turns 30 today. You've now joined us old farts on the other side of the hill. Hope that your havin' a great day (even though you own an iPod, bitch). Heh, heh.

Since lists are easy and require no thought on my part, here's the artists currently housed in my cd case (no links 'cause I'm lazy):
Goldfrapp, Madonna, Tori Amos, Marilyn Manson, Radiohead, R.E.M., Republica, Pet Shop Boys, Southern Culture on the Skids, Concrete Blonde, Supreme Beings of Leisure, Prince, Sonic Youth, Cocteau Twins, Audioslave, The Heart Throbs, Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Hmmm. I should have specified when discussing my "bathroom filled with toys." Somebody seems to have gotten the wrong idea ... at least about the bathroom. I should have said I have lots of cool Star Wars and Lego toys on display. There's even a working Mini Pac-Man Arcade Machine if you are bored while sitting on the crapper. I intentionally didn't show you all pictures of where those other toys are kept. That's for "in person viewing" only. Heh, heh.

The Simpsons - The Complete Third Season has finally been announced for an August 26th release on dvd. Whoo hoo!

We are one week away from the official release of "American Life" and all the good homosexuals of the world are trembling with anticipation (yeah, me included). The other day I was informed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named that not all of Madonna's fans are gay because he likes Madonna. Go figure ...

Now there is finally some more content on this site other than my blogging. Now, you can get a look at my home turf. If you are feeling adventurous, you can also get there from the About section. Enjoy!

I am no longer one of the cool kids. Michelle now has an iPod and I don't. *sigh*

Oh, yeah. I did get a wee bit of a hair cut this weekend ...

Movie Update:
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and I went down to Greenville yesterday to catch Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses since it was limited released and didn't end up in Asheville. An interesting movie to say the least. It's definately not one of the scariest (I didn't find it to be scary at all) horror films, but I think it's a fantastic homage flick. There must be a reference to about every single great horror movie ever made. Nice visuals, creepy characters and a Rob Zombie score all added up to a fun little film. Whoo for Captain Spauling's Murder Ride!!!

The biggest scare of the evening was getting lost in Greenville (even with a map). Argh!!! Road names that start and end for no real reason ... roads that stop and then move a few blocks over and start again ... intersections that look nothing like they are on the map. All I can say is: Greenville, fire your city planners and get some new ones. Or, at least sign your damn roads better. Yeesh.

I have noble plans for a Friday night. They involve tons of whiskey and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on dvd.

So, I ended up leaving work about 1:30 yesterday as the snow kept coming down. For once it wasn't the "school girl powder" snow that we normally get but a "butt-kicking evil" wet snow that was slick and heavy. When I got home I felt stupid, because the roads were mostly clear and I probably could have stayed. The boss informed me this morning that the power went out here at work about 3:00 and stayed out until late in the night. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (no, not Lord Voldemort) turned up on my doorstep as is usual when he is at school and the roads get messy. Where he lives (near the Tennessee state line) always gets hammered worse than we do here in town. I was not in the right frame of mind to have him sleep over last night. What can you do? So, the suggestion to beat it to the store for beer was a good one. I got buzzed, acted like everything was cool and kept my mouth shut. I didn't cry too much when he bedded down on the couch and I crawled into bed all by myself knowing that I would wake up and have to see his face this morning. Dumb, stupid, idiotic me ...

Still snowing ... there's now about an inch in the drive and about two on the Jeep. I'll get to use the 4WD on the way home again. It makes me feel so butch.

Dang it. It's really starting to come down out there.

Jesus! We have jumped back (yet again) from those wonderful, sunny, 70 degree spring days to the chance of 1-5 inches of snow today. C'mon, Mother Nature! Give us a break. We are so, so ready for sun and fun.

I am really depressed that a certain someone (or anyone for that matter) has tickets for Bjork when she plays in Brooklyn later this year. You know ... if you want to be really nice to me, you can click here and scroll down a little and then I would be able to see Bjork live ... on dvd that is. C'mon. Be nice.

Whoo hoo!!! All the cast members have accpeted. All the rejection letters have been sent. It's time to put on a show!

Christ almighty! I over-slept again. That makes twice this week. Urgh!!!

BJ and I were just discussing Farley Granger. Mmmmmm!

Damn. I have lost another of my freelance clients. What is the deal with people wanting to have stuff done in-house? Most times the "in-house" folks know nothing about design. Well, it'll just be less dvd money for me. Bummer.

Wow! Ultrasparky has a super sweet new design.

Well, the auditions are now over for the show I am directing at our local theatre. I think that I have gotten a great cast (if everyone accepts, that is). I still need to track down someone to play the father. But, that shouldn't be too hard. We're doing "Rope." Anyone else remember the Hitchcock film with Jimmy Stewart?

Good lord. The weekend has caught up with me. Too bad I have to go run auditions tonight. All I wanna do is crawl into bed and sleep.

Now that the damn show I was in is over, I will have some free time to watch porn this week. Yea, porn!!!

The weekend also involved a ton of beer and videoke till 5 a.m. on Saturday morning. Needless to say, I be will napping at my work station this afternoon. Eeeep.

So, I took a break from planning evil, world domination and worshiped at the altar of Concrete Blonde last night. It was quite possibly the best show that I have ever seen. Johnette Napolitano and company took the stage with major vengance. The band's songs has always veered from mid 80's punk to latin tinged ballads ... though last night you couldn't tell the difference. Every song had a raw edge like a wound that was open and would never, ever heal. Johnette has to be the sexiest female performer I have ever seen live.

Of course, part of my evil, world domination plan does involve having lots and lots of sex slaves. Mmmmm. Sex slaves.

Sometimes you have to find a different way to tackle life, and I have found the new way. Thanks to a new book, I will become the greatest evil-doer of all time and take over the world. I am leaning toward an old, abandoned amusement park as my secret lair. My army will be an army of the undead, of course. They can transform the living into the undead ... thus adding new recruits to carry out my evil, evil plans. Now I just need to work on my sinister laugh. "Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!"

For the record: All this talk about kissing women does not mean that I don't like cock anymore. I like it better than breasts and such ... so much better.

Ooops. Seems like I offended the married woman and the lesbian by not touting their kissing abilities. Ladies, that goes without saying. Y'all rock.

Strange. I am feeling really upbeat right now at this very moment. I have new Radiohead. My dvd of "Beginning of the End" is now waiting on my porch for me. Jon Spencer hits town tomorrow night and then Concrete Blonde does the same on Sunday. Spring is kicking into full swing. The trees are turning green. The temperature is holding at about 70 degrees with not a cloud in the sky. Who cares that you-know-who doesn't love me? The sun is shining so brightly it makes me think that nothing was ever wrong and nothing ever will be again.

Sweet! Thanks to the wonderful world of the internet and music piracy, I now have a copy of the new Radiohead album "Hail To The Thief."

Geez. Mention that you liked seeing a certain hot, young star shirtless in a movie ONCE and that becomes your top search string for all time. Folks, if I had shirtless pictures of him I would be keeping 'em all to myself. Mmmmm, shirtless.

Argh. One week of having a personal posted and there has been no mail from it. C'mon folks. I have it on very good authority (from one married woman and one lesbian) that I am a very good kisser.

Constant readers have heard this already ... Asheville is becoming way too hip for it's own good. Not only do we have Jon Spencer, Concrete Blonde, Wilco, Bob Weir, Camper Van Beethoven, Medeski, Martin & Wood, Bela Fleck, Suzanne Vega, Dar Williams and The Cramps on their way in the next few months, The Orange Peel has just announced Sonic Youth will play on June 12th. Right on!

Yeah. I am also feeling pretty and witty today. Now I just need to find a dress shop that I can go sing in. Heh, heh.

Oh well, the excitement for the afternoon has left and I am back hard at ... er, work. Yeah, that's it ... work. Come back, cute bug man. Come back.

Holy crap!!! The cutest pest control guy ever is now fumigating the upstairs of where I work. I wonder if I can get him to come check for "bugs" in my bedroom at home ... *sigh*

Screw it. I may have to go to see the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion by myself, but I am going. End of story.

So, how gay do I feel today?